


Care and Valor

by planet_plantagenet



Category: Henry V - Shakespeare
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender Roles, Genderqueer Character, Holidays, Leeks, M/M, Neurodiversity, Panic Attacks, Partying, Random & Short, Texting, War, Welsh Character, also no way is fluellen neurotypical, of course there are leeks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 01:02:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 5,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8469754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planet_plantagenet/pseuds/planet_plantagenet
Summary: "Though it appear a little out of fashion,There is much care and valor in this Welshman."Essentially a lot of random fics about Fluellen and Gower's relationship (because let's be honest, I love this ship a lot). The fics mostly have nothing to do with one another and sometimes contradict each other.





	1. Disciplines of War

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluellen during the Battle of Agincourt...

It was about twenty minutes (thirty? an hour? two? time was not working properly) into the battle at Agincourt when I finally realized what was going on. Maybe it was the exhilaration that kept me from seeing it at first—the rush of finally fighting in a real battle. Or maybe it’s just the fact that you don’t realize what war really is until you’re right in the middle of it.

For a while I ignored it, the tightening in my chest and spinning in my head. But at some point the nameless French turned from video game avatars into real people, people who I was attacking and killing. But I kept going, even as the world started to blur around me.

I retreated, feeling my back stam against the trunk of a tree. My damn synesthesia turned the shouts and clangs into streaks of color across my vision. The noises and the colors and the blood and the cries and the—

No. I couldn’t have a panic attack. Not now. Not now.

I shut my eyes, put my hands over my ears, breathed in, out, in, out. Colors flashed across my eyelids. But there was no sensory organ I could cover to drown out my thoughts.

Gower. I’d stood beside him as King Henry told us about Crispin’s Day. He’d smiled at me. I’d grinned back. And now… and now he could be anywhere.

My mind reeled. He could be dead. He could have been murdered by the French and I’d never know and I’d never have be able to save him—

I opened my eyes, took a deep, shaky breath. Scanned the landscape. I cursed my vision for not working properly.

There. Sitting on the ground, in the thick of the battle, clutching his shoulder. Not dead—but injured.

I sprang up, tuning out the sudden relapse of dizziness. In seconds I was pushing through crowds of fighting soldiers. I couldn’t even tell if they were English or French; we were all so bloody and mudstained.

Gower saw me, giving me a questioning look. I didn’t offer any explanation—simply scooped him up in my arms and ran. Fortunately for me, Gower was light and relatively scrawny. I thanked my past self for having the foresight to practice lifting heavy objects.

I ran until I came to the bushes, away from the battle. The shouts and cries were more muted here. Gower was saying something, but I couldn’t hear him. My arms screamed in indignation, and I finally dropped Gower at the foot of a large oak tree, crouching down to peer anxiously at him. We were obscured by the bushes, so I doubted any soldiers would see us, if we stayed low.

“Fluellen, what the hell are you doing??” Gower’s words suddenly registered in my brain. I finally regained the capacity to speak.

“ _ Rydych yn brifo ac _ —I mean—I mean—you’re… you’re hurt.”

He glanced at his shoulder, sitting upright against the tree. His uniform was torn open, and a gash was oozing blood. “It’s a scratch.”

“Look you, that is not a ‘scratch’! That is an injury! A bad one!”

“It isn’t very deep—”

“It’s bleeding!”

“Fluellen.” Gower’s voice softened. “There are so many people in this battle who have worse injuries than I do. Look, I can still use my arm. It’s okay. I can go back.”

“No you cannot!” My voice cracked. I felt hot tears rushing down my face. “Nothing about this is okay!”

“That’s just how war—”

“What if you die??” I could feel myself shaking. What with the colors and the blur across my vision, I could hardly see Gower’s distressed expression.

“Fluellen—oh, Fluellen….” He opened his mouth, paused, started again. “I know you don’t want me to say this, but… people die in wars. That’s what happens.”

I didn’t know what to say—and not just because I was, at the moment, physically incapable of speech. Gower took my hands in his, gently squeezed them. The action was soothing, but not altogether comforting. I took a deep, shuddering breath, tried to fix my eyes on Gower’s face.

“Llywelyn.” The sound of my name—my real name, not the Anglicized version—warmed me slightly. “Tell me what I can do to help you.”

I inhaled again, focused my mind on forming English words. “Don’t go back. Stay. Promise me you won’t go back.”

He looked me in the eyes. “I won’t.”

I nodded, wiped my eyes with my dirty sleeve. My heart was still racing, but my breathing had become more regular. After a second, I spoke again. “I joined this war because I love tactics and commanding people and using my knowledge to help. And… it has always sort of been like a video game. No one is actually getting hurt. But, look you, that’s not true. And I have been in battles, but not big ones, and never… never with someone I care so much about.”

Gower didn’t speak for a long time, his eyes wandering to the distant battle. Then he focused back on me. “For me… that gives me something worth fighting for.”

I almost smiled. I knew I was crying again, but I was beyond caring.

“So, what do you say?” he asked, the hint of a smile on his lips.

“I love you, Gower,” I breathed. It was the only thing I could think of to say, something I had been waiting to say for much too long. How ironic was it, that, at the moment when I was almost incapable of speech, I managed to say the thing I’d been afraid to vocalize?

“Oh, Llywelyn….” Gower’s voice was soft, but so, so kind….

I couldn’t bear to hear him talk anymore. So I cupped his face in my dirty hands and pressed my lips against his.

And when I pulled away I could almost see clearly again. Gower’s face was glowing with a radiant smile.

“Thank you,” he said.

I couldn’t speak, but I’m sure the grin on my face said it all.

Gower slowly stood, watching his shoulder as he moved it up and down. The gash was still bleeding, but not as badly as before.

“May I go back?” he asked.

“I think that would be alright,” I responded.

He grinned, gave me a quick kiss, then pushed through the bushes and back into the battle.

I took a deep breath, and followed.


	2. Gender and Stuff

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For some reason (probably because I'm nb myself), I headcanon Fluellen as non-binary :)

It was Saturday morning in June, and we were sitting on the hill by Fluellen’s house. Spectacularly, the weather was fairly warm, even for summer in England. The grass was long, green, and wild, and it didn’t hurt our feet to walk barefoot through it. No one else was there. Just us.

I sat, digging my toes into the mossy ground. Fluellen paced for a couple seconds, ever the restless walker, then joined me, laying his head in my lap and staring up at the sky.

My heart leaped. I was consumed by the sudden urge to run my fingers through Fluellen’s long, blonde hair, but I stopped myself. Maybe he would have liked it. Maybe he wouldn’t have. But that was the thing about being with Fluellen. He did so many things that were not exactly “socially acceptable”, and I could never tell whether he really knew that. Maybe he just didn’t know the social norms.

It just made it harder to figure out whether he returned my feelings for him.

A minute passed. Then Fluellen spoke, still keeping his eyes on the slowly moving clouds above.

“Why does everyone think I’m a boy, Gower?”

I raised an eyebrow at the rhetorical question, even though he wasn’t looking at me.

He continued. “I look like a boy. I have a boy’s name and a boy’s voice. But, look you, I’m not.”

“Are you a girl?” I asked. It was the only question that I could think to verbalize.

Fluellen’s eyes shifted to me. “God, no.”

“Then… what gender are you?”

“Do I have to be any gender?” was his answer.

“I suppose not.”

A pause. Fluellen blinked, looked up to the sky again. I wasn’t quite sure what to say.

“So, um… would you like me to refer to you with they/them pronouns?”

A smile flickered across Fluellen’s face. “Ahh, no thank you. But, look you, I am very glad you asked. He/him will do just fine.”

“Okay,” I said quietly.

He sat up suddenly, locked eyes with me. “You look confused.”

I blinked. “I suppose I am, a little. I mean, I’ve heard about non-binary people, but never exactly met one.”

“It isn’t like I’ve changed.”

“What?”

“Look you, my gender does not change who am. I am still your friend Llywelyn. Now you just know a little bit more about me than you did before.”

“Yeah….” I smiled, nodded. “I guess you’re right. Okay. Thanks for telling me.”

Fluellen grinned, sprung up to his feet, offered me a hand. I took it, and stood. The two of us were about the same height—he might have been a little taller. We stood there, looking at one another. His hand was still in mine, warm and reassuring.

“Thank you for listening,” he said.


	3. sleep habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to write some texting fics between Fluellen and Gower because I've never written that before... also just because it's fun XD

_ 3:32 AM _

 

F: gower

gower

 

gower~~~~~~

 

where are you~~!!!

 

i wouldve thought that all the bleeping from your phone whouldve woken you up by now

i mean

if i remember correctly you have your phone bleep when you get a text message

ahh idek

 

is bleeping the rite word?

*right

idk

 

gower!!

 

hey i have a funny question

gower’s your last name right?

what’s your first name?

i think you told me

but like

i forgot

whoops

im not good w names DX

but i mean

look you

why do you use your last name instead of your first naem?

nothing wrong with it just curiuos

 

gower where tf are you

 

G: What the hell Fluellen

It’s 4 in the morning

F: yeah but thats when i wake up look you

G: Wtf dude

What time do you go to bed?

F: like,,,,

8:30

9

G: HOW

F: well what time do you go to bed

G: 11, on a good day

F: wowwwwww

look you thats not good for you

G: Yeah I know :P

Oh!

About your name inquiry

Yeah Gower is my last name

My first name is William

F: ahahahHAHAHAHAH

G: …

F: just sounds nOTHING like yoU!

G: Haha I guess not XD

I don’t like the name much

That’s why I use my last name

F: mmmm makes sense

G: So why’d you want to wake me up so early?

F: um

hmmm

good question

i dont remember whooops

i guess i just wanted to talk to you

the word is boring at 3 am

G: Ok?

F: um

sorry

G: Haha it’s ok I enjoy talking w you too :)

F: yeeeeee

oh!!!

i rmember!

wanna come over to my house?

and go on a walk or something?

G: Sure! When?

F: now!

G: Oh

Um

Well Fluellen

It’s still 4 in the morning

F: yes yes yes ik ik

but look you

the mornings is the best times for walking

*are whoops

im getting better at that though!

anyway

wanna come over?

G: Hmmm

Sure I guess

Gimme a sec though

F: yayyy!!!!!

yeah ofc

G: Ok ttyl :)

F: seeya soon!!!


	4. Too Loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Parties!! Parties are fun to write about.

The music was loud—too loud. I’d brought earplugs for myself and Fluellen, but I still felt a bit overwhelmed by the sensory stimuli of the party. I wasn’t even sure why I’d decided to go. Probably because I knew Fluellen would be there—it was hosted by his friend Jamie, after all.

I looked around, shielding my eyes from the pulsating lights. Fluellen was standing in the middle of the dance floor with some boy (Was his name Mack? I had no clue), downing his third cup of punch. Hopefully the drinks weren’t alcoholic.

I maneuvered my way through the swarms of people to stand by Fluellen, happily chattering on about Welsh military strategy to his slightly-out-of-it comrade. I wasn’t even sure if the man could hear him.

“Doing alright, Fluellen?” I shouted in his ear.

“Excellent!” came the reply. It was almost impossible to decipher Fluellen’s words—the music was deafening, and the caffeine high seemed to be heightening his accent. “I am so glad you’re here, Gower! You can tell Mack about your leek soup recipe!”

“Maybe next time.” I caught Fluellen’s arm, steering him away from the dance floor. At first he protested, but then gave up and followed me to the edge of the room.

“You should try the punch,” he told me.

“No thanks.”

Fluellen thrust his plastic cup at me—but missed, spilling the liquid all over my shirt. He erupted into a fit of giggles. I cursed, grabbing some napkins from a nearby table.

“Fluellen—I think you’re a bit high.”

“On sugar?”

“On caffeine, most likely. Here, let’s get outside for a second.”

He nodded, letting me lead him out of the building. The cool night air was an instant relief. Many other people were standing on the porch or the lawn, chatting, but it was nowhere near as loud as the dance room.

Fluellen pulled out his earplugs, breathed deeply. “That’s better!”

“Need anything?” I asked, removing my own earplugs as well.

“Nothing in particular,” he replied airily.

I nodded, but said nothing. We were standing near the edge of the lawn, away from most of the people. My eyes swept over the other guests. A couple on the porch was making out. Fluellen followed my eyes, saw them, and grinned.

“Hey, Gower,” he said, his voice low and mischievous.

“Yes…?” My heartbeat quickened.

“You like me, ay?”

“What?” I heard the question, but it didn’t quite register in my mind. How did he know??

Fluellen moved closer, still smiling. “So if, look you, I were to kiss you right now, how would you react?”

My mind was reeling. I didn’t know how to answer. Should I reply honestly? Tell him how much I loved him? Tell him I’d wanted to kiss him for months? But I was too terrified to do that.

“I—I don’t know,” I stammered.

Fluellen gently cupped my face in his hands. They were smooth and warm, and I shuddered at the contact. “How about we find out…?”

And then he was kissing me. In real life. And it was even better than any of my daydreams. So I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him back as if my life depended on it.

It seemed like a long time until we broke apart, breathless and excited and slightly embarrassed as well.

“It looks like I found my answer,” Fluellen whispered, grinning.


	5. If you can mock a leek...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluellen and Gower were really looking forward to celebrating St. Davy's Day together, but then of course Pistol has to go and ruin it.

For the last couple weeks, I had felt Fluellen’s excitement building up. All he could talk about was Saint David’s Day—March first, and fortunately a Saturday this year—the feast day of the patron saint of Wales, and a celebration of Welsh culture.

We had a plan—we’d developed it a couple weeks ago and had continually worked on it throughout the month. Fluellen walks over to my house at 7:30 in the morning. We eat breakfast here. Then we get in my car, and I drive us to Cardiff, where we watch the Saint David’s Day parade and go to the food festival.

But it was approaching 8:00, and Fluellen was not yet here. I stood in the driveway, clutching a bouquet of daffodils, trying to ignore the freezing cold. I peered down the sidewalk. Fluellen wouldn’t forget our plan. We’d worked so hard on it. He was so passionate about this holiday. If he didn’t turn up soon, I’d have to go back inside and eat breakfast without him—and that was not something I wanted to do.

I heard a shout. Fluellen was coasting down the sidewalk on a scooter, grinning and waving fervently at me. He was wearing a t-shirt with the flag of Wales on it, along with a backpack and a gigantic leek in his hat. I breathed a sigh of relief.

Fluellen hopped off his scooter. “Happy Saint Davy’s day!!”

“The same to you!” I cried.

His eyes went to the daffodils in my hands, and his smile widened. “You brought me daffodils!”

“They’re a national symbol of Wales, aren’t they?”

He responded by wrapping his arms around me and giving me a huge kiss. I reciprocated, and then we were laughing and hugging each other.

“So, what took you so long?” I inquired when we broke apart.

Fluellen’s smile faded. “I, uh, I was delayed. Here, let’s go inside, and I will explain. I’m freezing.”

I gladly followed him into the house, pulling some cinnamon rolls off the shelf. I had no idea if Wales had a traditional breakfast or anything, but Fluellen grinned at the sight of the hot pastries.

“Care to explain now?” I asked, when he had taken off his backpack and we were both sitting down.

Fluellen was silent for a moment, looking down at his cinnamon roll. Then he said quietly, “You know Pistol?”

I froze. Yes, I knew Pistol, all too well. He was your stereotypical bully, all brawn, always fighting over some girl called Nell (who was a lesbian, I happened to know, but unfortunately didn’t turn up much at GSA). He’d often take stabs at Fluellen, too—making fun of his accent or his tendency to ramble on about his interests. But as far as I could tell, Pistol’s mockeries seemed to upset me more than they did Fluellen.

“What about Pistol…?” I asked cautiously.

Fluellen’s tone was dry, dripping with scorn. “He comes up to me, when I’m walking through the park—or scooting, rather; I was on my scooter—and, look you, points out my leek to his friends Nym and Bardolph.” He gestured to the vegetable on his cap. “And, look you, he goes, ‘Oh, Fluellen, you seem to like leeks a lot’, and I says, ‘Ay, leeks is a symbol for Wales, because it is Saint Davy’s Day’, and he cuts me off and is like, ‘Why don’t you eat your leek!’ and I am like, ‘Oh no, I can’t do that, this leek is not for eating today’, and, look you, he keeps going on about it in this very obnoxious tone, so I took another leek out of my backpack and threw it at him.”

“Oh,” I replied. This definitely seemed like something Pistol would do. Fluellen continued, voice rising in pitch.

“And then, look you, he gets kind of mad, because I am a very good shot and I hit him right on the forehead, so he kicks me in the shins, and I fall off my scooter. And he is laughing, kind of. So I jump up and slap him across the face, because, look you, the little son of a bitch deserves it, and he gets really mad so I hop back on my scooter and he chases me around the block but finally he gives up so I came here.”

Fluellen took a deep, trembling breath, let it out slowly, then leaned against the table, pressing his palms to his forehead. He was shaking slightly. I moved my chair closer to him, putting my arm around his shoulder. He didn’t respond, but his breathing became more regular.

“I’m so sorry,” I whispered. “Pistol is a little shit. He shouldn’t ruin your day for you.”

“Not on Saint Davy’s Day,” Fluellen murmured. He turned towards me slightly, and I saw his eyes sparkling with tears. “Why won’t they let me cry, Gower?”

“What do you mean? Who is  _ they _ ?”

“Everyone. Why am I not allowed to cry when something upsets me. Why will it automatically make me weak?”

“I don’t know,” I replied. “It’s just a stupid society thing, I guess.”

“I guess so too.”

I turned Fluellen’s face towards me, gently kissed him. “You can cry with me. It’s okay.”

“Thank you,” he whispered, taking my hand.

We sat there for a second. Neither of us had touched our cinnamon roll. Then suddenly Fluellen sat up, grinned.

“But, look you, today is Saint Davy’s Day! Whatever happens, I will still be okay because this is my favorite day and I am spending it with my favorite person!” He flashed me a smile. “And we should be going to Caerdydd!” Jumping up, he grabbed his cinnamon roll, stuffed it in his mouth. I grinned, taking my own cinnamon roll and following Fluellen outside to the car. We had planned this day for months, and nothing was going to ruin it.


	6. llelo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gower and Fluellen chat about Welsh names.

_ 4:38 PM _

 

G: Hey Fluellen

F: ?

G: This is kind of an odd question but

Is your real name Llewellyn?

F: ohh!

look you thats a great question

close but not quite

my name is llywelyn

G: Oh

Two letters off lol

F: yeah there are lots of different versions of the name

G: Why do you go by Fluellen then?

F: well,,,,,

fluellen is the anglisised version of llywelyn

angliczised? idek ok

anyway it’s easier for you english people to spell

and pronunce

bc you always have trouble with the double L sound

G: XD well it is kind of difficult.

F: hahah for you

G: But I can sort of do it!

I um

Watched some online tutorials XD

About Welsh pronunciation

F: ooooooh yay!!!! <3 :D

G: Would you like me to call you Llywelyn then?

F: yeah thatd be awesome!! thankyou!

i mean i dont mind fluellen but llywelyn is my real name so,,,

G: Yeah that makes sense

I’ll try! :)

F: yayyy

G: Oh oh oh!!

I remember what I was going to say!

F: ???

G: Well I was looking up names (that’s how I came to the conclusion that your name was Llewellyn)

And it turns out

“Llelo” is a diminutive of Llewellyn/Llywelyn

F: ……..

•••••••••••••

^^^ lookit im capitlising ellipsis (thats what theyre called rught??)

G: Lol yeah

F: but seriously omfg

i had this one aunt that used to call me llelo

G: Oh dear is it embarrassing?

F: um

well

……….kind of?

but idk

G: Awwww

So um… Can I call you Llelo?

F: ……sure

well

OK OK ILL ADMIT ITS REALLY HELLA CUTE

G: XD XD

F: YES YOU CAN CALL ME LLELO but only when were alone XD

or on chat

G: Ofc lol

F: yeeee

G: Oops brb

Bye Llelo!

F: XD byeeee


	7. drawing the line

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More texting XD (it's really fun to write texting fics!) This time Fluellen and Gower talk about their relationship.

_ 11:45 PM _

 

G: Hey Llelo

You still up?

I had something to talk to you about

F: ……yes i am still up no thanks to you

G: XD

F: i mean

i love you gower but i need my sleep

G: Ahhh actually that’s what I wanted to talk about

F: ohhh good!!

G: Really!

Awesome

This’ll be easier for both of us then

F: yah yeah

sleep is good look you

so

i think you should start going to bed earlier

like,,,,, 10 at the latest

G: Dammit Llywelyn you took that the wrong way XD

F: what

im confused

G: Well

Like

Argh idk how to explain

Um, so

What are we exactly?

F: ……humans

who need sleep look you

G: No no not like that

Gahhh this is difficult

F: yes the english langauge is v shitty at times

ik from experience

G: No no

Like

What’s the nature of our relationship?

Like um

Are we friends?

F: yes ofc!

why

oh shit

you arent like,,, moving to alaska or something are you

G: Wtf no

No no no you’re taking this all the wrong way

I’m trying to ask you if like

Are we like… boyfriends? Or… partners? Or something like that?

Or are we just friends

Like

There’s nothing wrong with being friends

Just sometimes it’s hard to draw the line

F: ohhhhh

yah i get what youre talking about

G: What are your thoughts?

F: hmmmmmmm

tell me yours first

i promise i wont interupt

G: Ok um

So

Shit this is hard

I really like you Llelo

And I mean

If you were ok with it

I’d really like to be your boyfriend

Honestly I've been wanting to ask you for a while

But I've been too scared

And also like

You're not really like

Dammit how do I say this

It's not that it's hard to talk about my feelings with you… It's actually quite easy

But like… You sometimes do things or say things that aren't exactly socially normal?

Not that that's a bad thing ofc!

It just makes your feelings really ambiguous

I've spend a hell of alot of time trying to figure out whether you like me back

So I guess this is my way of asking

Do you… By any chance… Happen to return my feelings…?

F: oh gower

oh my dear gower

of coURSE i return your feelings

and look you

i would love love LOVE to be your boyfriend

er, partner

G: Wow

I

Idk what to say

Oh my god

I'm just so happy

F: ahhhhHHHH ME TOO

G: I need to go to bed but

F: YES YOU DO

G: We can discuss in person tomorrow

F: yeah!

goodnight gower!!

G: Goodnight Llelo

Love you!

F: love you too <3


	8. lost in translation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm playing Fluellen and Exeter in a production of Henry V right now, and I came up with an interesting headcanon when comparing and contrasting the two characters—and thinking about their motivations. (yes this is another texting fic)

_ 8:06 AM _

 

F: hey gower

i have a quesiton

no wait thats not how that word is spelled

**question

G: XD

Hi Llelo

F: hello~~

i love this symnol thingie

~~~~

~~~~~~

*symbol dammit

G: XD

F: no look you its not funny

bc it is so so hard

gahhhhhhh

G: Oh sorry!

F: its ok

but like

actually thats what i was gonna talk to you about

like

how to phrase

so when you first met me, what did you think of me?

G: Oh my XD

Well

That was a while ago

I always thought of you as the incomprehensible welsh guy

Who loved to talk about history

And boss people around

But you’re not like that at all dw!

F: ……..incomprehensible

HELL YEAH I SPELLED THAT RIGHT

but but

ahhhhhhhh

G: …?

F: i mean i am welsh (duhhh)

and i love LOVE history

and i do like to be,,, leadershipy

thats not a word is it

anyway you get what i mean

hmmm i guess i can be bossy but i try not to look you

G: Yeah yeah ofc

Your leadership skills have gotten a lot better since I first met you

F: yeah :)

but then

“incomprehensible”

G: XD yeah I stg I couldn’t understand a word you were saying

F: bc of my accent?

G: Yeah partly

I think it was thicker when you were younger

And also

…oh shit

Llywelyn is this upsetting you?

F: …….yeah

G: Oh shit shit I’m so sorry

F: no its ok i asked first

but heres the thing ok

dammit how do i explain this

if i could change anything about myself it would be my speech

bc like

literally no one can understand me

G: Wait no that’s not true

I understand you fine!

F: no i mean people who dont know me well

lemme tell you a story

G: Ok

F: so i went to a welsh primary school right

it was p great

v progresive and stuff

i didnt have to write a lot and the teachers would always listen to me

i also had to learn english bc there are Not a lot of fluent welsh speakers in the world

and at that time welsh was my only language

but look you,,,, enlish is a REALLY HARD LANGUGAE

G: Hahah yeah I guess it is

F: and it was so hard for me esepcialy bc of my goddamn dysleixa

****dyslexia !!!

daMMIT i cant even spell that word right!!

but anyway i would always get really bad marks in english calss

and i didnt really mind bc it was just a forein language to me right? just a class in my school

i mean i cant even spell that well in welsh XD

but then!!! my family had to move to england!

and everyone here speaks english!! so i had to rapidly get better at it!

so i go to secondary school here and its just,,,, hellish

G: Oh Llelo…

I had no idea it was so hard for you :(

F: hahah yeah well

it was hard

look you its still hard

and i was supposed to write and talk like,, eloquently

hahAH i can spell that word correctly bc i use it so often

some english words are cool

like magnanimous

thats a good word

oh but see even now i get off topic!

so my teachers would tell me,

“fluellen you need to stick to one subject and sTOP RAMBLING”

and im just,,,

thats the way my brain works

i just??? make all these connections between different things????

like often it comes back to history right bc history is my Fave

but even my history teachers didnt like it???

“oh fluellen we’re glad youre learning the course material but this is an essay about the roman empire not the greek one or the english one”

uMMM?? isnt it good to make connections between fifferent topics??

and the thing is that i dont realise im doing it???

bc thATS HOW MY BRAIN WORKS LOOK YOU

and then at some point i got diagnosed w adhd but my teachers didnt give me acomidations?????

** accomodations? how the hell do you spell that word

anYWAY

look you!!

ive got dyslexia & adhd & anxiety & a bit of autism-like stuff idrk tbh AND english is my second language

and how the hELL AM I NOT GETTING ACOMMODATIONS

G: Wtf that’s not ok, you need accommodations

Damn you’re right that’s a difficult word to spell

F: no no no i have them now

just i didnt have them in first year or second year

also i have meds now so that helps

G: Wow Llelo I had no idea

:’(

F: aw ty for your sympathy

but look you it got better

esp after i met you :)

bc you really listen to me? even if im rambling or whatever

G: I’m glad I can help <3

F: you do!!! help a lot

but still

idk if ill ever be able to speak as eloquently as some people do

like exeter

G: Omg that boy you had a crush on in fourth year? XD

F: yeah XD

but have you even listened to him??

he can speak so,,,, well,,,,,

G: He can

But that’s not to say you can’t speak well also?

I think

Hmmm

I think you try your best to speak from your heart, and express yourself in the way you feel most comfortable

And I think that’s a lot more important than being able to speak eloquently

Like

Hmm

If people can’t understand you that’s their fault

Because it’s not like you try to go off topic or whatever

I mean it’s important to at least… Try and improve your writing/speaking?

But you’re already working so hard to do that

I don’t think you need to push yourself

Also remember that you’re comparing yourself to neurotypicals

They’re gonna have a very different way of writing/speaking right?

Ahh idk what I’m trying to say

I hope that helped

F: yes yes it did

thankyou gower <3

G: You’re welcome Llelo <3 <3

I’m always here if you wanna talk

F: :D yay


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